This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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