I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
