I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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