i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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