North Korea, Best Korea!
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
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