I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
