Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Randomize
