okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
