Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
