Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
