I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
