It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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