Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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