tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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