ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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