why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
