Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
