i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Randomize
