youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
