I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
