In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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