I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
