Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
