umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
