apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Randomize
