i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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