Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I just had sex on a roof
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
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