i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
