Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
