remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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