Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
