You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity�
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
