I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
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