He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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