Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
