it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
