I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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