I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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