You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
