So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
