How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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