Got a toothbrush?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
