im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
