Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
