peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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