This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
