GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
