Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
