I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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