i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
